So I went on Sharon Osbourne. It was quite fun, but I was wondering why she didn't put me in bed. Maybe she has too much Scottishness in her sound stage. So after the interview I sang. I wanted to sing Girl You Know Its True by Milli Vanilli, but Sharon wouldn't let me. So I sung a song which I didn't know he words of, and had to take a second shot. Girl you know it's true! Oooh oooh oooh I love yoooouuu! Gotta love that song. Too bad Milli Vanilli had to break up and have one of them commit suicide. They were good. So I was reading Uncle John's Bathroom Reader, and let me say, it has some wonderful stories and facts in it. There is the story behind the bra, and the real story of Mrs. Butterworth. The real Mrs. Butterworth was a counterfeiter. Hooohoooohooo. Question: do you shave your legs or do you let Sean do it? On the pic it looks like they used to be longer and curly but you cut them short to give a macho Scottish look (and it worked, wink wink :D) Answer: I actually let Ian do it, because he is actually very good at shaving. But he does it with his teeth. That's why it looks a little shorter. Why thank you for calling me a macho sexy Scot! I know I am, but...hehe. -Billy

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Okay, this is me trying to find my car in the parking lot. I actually look quite sexy because I just came out of the mall. The strange ladies that run after you with free makeovers attacked me. And then a hair stylist attacked me too. Then crazy lady that disses celebrity clothes attacked me. So basically I was attacked at the mall. So in 5 hours I was out of there, and trying to find my car. They were still following me, so I had to act quickly. Using my Scottish skills, I found it in .000000005 seconds and drove off into the sunset.

Please read the disclaimer. Please. Please times 10000. I will not tolerate anymore blogs with a similar layout to mine.

Just got back from a night on the town, and let me tell you, it was grand. I just went out for a stroll by myself because I needed time away from black hole mouth. So I went to the pub and played some pool. I got drunk and then took off my kilt and danced on the table. People were sticking bills and euros in my pockets. I don't know how I remember this. Maybe I wasn't drunk. Oh well. I hope the paparazzi wasn't there. They would have had a frenzy. Question: What's your rock solid ghetto shiznit name? Find out

here

Answer: Fellatio Teapot, Yo. That happens to be quite right. My homies up in da Eastahousizzle named me dat. Mmmhmmm. They named me Fellatio because of this thing that happened to me, where I was all up on da stage and I screamed lyk a schoolgirl, yo. Fo shizzle, so they named me Fellatio. Then Teapot cuz aftawards I peed my little schoolgirl pants. Or kilt. Yeah, yo. -Billy

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Liv and Andy cannot resist the Boyd tartan. Andy is trying to take a peek at my monster, and Liv is lifting it up for him. I think I might go and eat some hair if you know what I mean.

Went karaoke-ing again. With Elijah and Orli. Orli decided to sing "Survivor" by Destiny's Child. Beyonce annoys me now. She used to be a shy little girl, and now look, ghetto booty! Stewart wants to get some of that. He says, "It's my duty to seize that booty." I say no, his kilt is to large. He doesn't have a ghetto booty. He thinks he's black, but why would he want to hide his Scottishness? I mean, hello? KILT! I really need to kilt him. Hoohoo, so I got a letter this morning, what do you reckon it read? It said,
HI BILLEH I LUV U SO MUCH & I WANNA MAARRRYYYY UUUUUU
-INedTehripyCuzBoyd
THERAPY??? Wow, I guess my Scottishness has overwhelmed her. Who wouldn't be overwhelmed? Even pretty Orli! Question: What is it with you and your kilt? Why do I see you wearing a purple one all the time? Answer: Well, I admit. I think the color matches my complexion. Plus, my gramma knitted it for me. GRAMMA!!! I love my gramma. What's wrong with my kilt? Don't you love it? AND ME??? I can't belive you. I'm Scottish and President of the World. I'll kilt you soon. Me and my little friends. -Billy

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This is me at the orange awards. I thought they would give me a fruit basket. But no. They punched me in the face and drove off in a toilet on wheels. I told this guy next to me that he needs to get shot. You see, he was trying to be all up in da hood, and I was like, "nu-uh! I grew up in Eastahouse yo, so don't tell me you grew up in da ghetto, mmhmm." And then I did my cute face for the fans so they wouldn't think I'm ghetto fabulous.

Okay, not Billy talking right now, but I've gotta talk about this girl, Joss Stone. You see, she stole a very awesome White Stripes song titled, "Fell In Love With A Girl." She then titled it "Fell In Love With A Boy." She turned it into a pop song. She did NOT have permission to do this. So I created the WeHateJossStone club. To join, all you have to do is enter your e-mail into the box on the right.

Valentine's Day was interesting, came home to flower petals on my bed. You know, I bet they were from Andy. He's very lonely right now. I assume. Indeed, I had a wonderful time, I went to a restaurant here in Glasgow. Took Dom with me because I wanted entertainment. But he yawned and didn't cover his mouth. I almost got sucked into the black hole. I remember Valentines Day growing up. I hated it. All the ugly girls gave me poisoned chocolates. Just jealous because I'm hot and have better kilts than them. Tried out for movie today. Shouldn't have tried out for it. I should have looked at the title. "Dirty Secrets 3" was the title. Methinks I should murder my manager. No, just fire him. Or set him on fire. Question: do you love me? and if no, will i get to marry dom one day? Answer: Well, as I said, I love anyone who has a body and hair and can breathe. So yes. I love you. But wait? You love DOM??? NOT SCOTTISH ME??? Fine, you can marry him then. If he doesn't ask me first. You should steal his pet tree. Then he will chase after you. -Billy

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Click, it's of me and the Award they gave me, it's of the middle finger This is the award they gave me for President of the World. They are jealous, you see? Flipping me off. They wanna be POTW, but I already am. They asked me if they can fill my spot. I said no, because it's a very difficult seat to be in. I mean, hot fangirls screaming at you, people drooling over you...very difficult. Then they shed their human form and become aliens. Then you have to run away from them. Or obliterate them.

(Hey, what do you guys think of having a billyboydparody shop? You can buy shirts and stickers and stuff and I will donate the money to Billy's favorite charity. If anyone can help me with the designs and stuff, leave a message. :D)

Found this online...thought I would fill it out. (Thanks Kelly!)
FIRSTS
First best friend: My mommy, because like, yeah.
First real memory of something: Me spilling milk all over my pants and then screaming and running and launching my head into my 5 year birthday party cake.
First Break-up: Well, it all started at that raver party and ended up in Mexico with a strange video tape next to me. Needless to say, I don't remember.
First boyfriend/girlfriend: Dom. I mean...
First Job: Working as a door greeter at Wal-Mart
First screen name: HeyDontEatMyHaggis234
First self purchased album: Sigur Rios. Noseflute is a very difficult instrument to master.
First funeral: In my mind, that would be Michael Jackson and then me being put in a straitjacket afterwards.
First pet: A Wombat.
First piercing/tattoo: Nipple ring.
First credit card: K-Mart
First true love: Mommy
First enemy: Christina Aguilera (who isn't her enemy?
First big trip: Happy Springs, Alabama to see my very Scottish grandfather.
First play/musical/performance/concert: Cats
Last big car ride: With Ian McKellen, was very uncomfortable experience...
Last good cry: When I choked on that darned conversation heart that said, "Hug Me"
Last library book checked out: The Way Things Work, so that I could figure out this stupid computer.
Last movie seen: Girls Gone...erm...actually, Willow.
Last beverage drank: Some strange blue drink that Stewart gave me.
Last food consumed: Grilled Cheese Sandwich
Last crush: Martha Stewart, until she got the stock market thing.
Last phone call: Psychic hotline.
Last TV watched: Last TV watched??? Well, Sony plasma Tv...
Last time showered: last month
Last shoes worn: my My boots that had dog crap on them that I found five seconds ago.
Last cd played: Weird Al- Poodle Hat
Last item bought: Zebra Striped Sequin Cowboy hat.
Last annoyance: Telemarketers asking for me and I lied and said he doesn't live here anymore and gave him a number for the local funeral home.
Last soda drank: Iron Bru
Last ice cream eaten: Rocky Road with nice little sprinkles
Last time scolded: By Sean for watching Willow.
Last shirt worn: That yellow shirt that had a banana on it.
LAYER ONE:
-- Name: Billy
-- Birth date: August 28
-- Current Location: Earth
-- Hair Color: Blonde/Brown/Red
-- Height: 5'7
-- Weight: I threw out my scale a while ago because it was one of those stupid ones that yell your weight.
-- Righty or Lefty: AMBIDEXTROUS BABY!

LAYER TWO
-- Your heritage: Well, it all started with my very Scottish grandparents having very Scottish babies...then those very Scottish babies married other very Scottish babies and then had a very Scottish me.
-- The shoes you wore today: Poop boots
-- Your weakness: Will not tell you, because it involves some hobbit stuff.
-- Your perfect pizza: PIZZA?? WHAT ARE YOU, AMERICAN???

LAYER THREE
-- Your most over used phrase: I'm So Scottish and Methinks
-- Your best physical feature: I will let the fans bicker and decide my best feature.
-- Your bedtime: 11:00 at night
-- Your most-missed memory: Well, I don't remember, because it is well-missed
-- Pepsi or Coke?: Coke
-- McDonald's or Burger King: WHAT IS THIS DEVILRY??? Okay, McDonald's
-- Single or Group Date: Group
-- Adidas or Nike: adidas
-- Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: I make my own tea
-- Chocolate or vanilla: chocolate, especially chocolate that melts in your mouth
-- Cappuccino or coffee: coffee, must have the coffee so I will have perky scottishness!

Question: Are you single? Answer: Yes, yes I am. Too many hot fans screaming my name. Next premiere I'm going to grab the hottest one and eat her hair and then grab another hot one and do the same thing. -Billy

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This is very sexy me, going to accept my award for Sexiest Scottishman of the Year. See my face? I already know that I'm the Sexiest Scotsman ever. I knew I would win, I mean, hello? Who can resist my Scottishness? I also got the Award for being the President of the World. Everyone loves me. I swear.

Wow, am I computer illiterate. I was just trying to turn on the computer, and then all of a sudden it screams at me, "YOU DOOFUS! DON'T PRESS THAT BUTTON!" Not knowing what to do, I just pressed another button and the computer exploded. So now I am on the library's computer and it charges me 10 cents every 30 minutes. Turns out Viggo recorded his own voice to play when I turned on my computer to say that. And when I pressed two keys, he programmed it to explode. Or he was just watching me and decided, "Hey, I guess I will scream randomly outside his window and then blow up his computer with this convenient bundle of dynamite!" He is very artful in pranks. Just like in life. But not good at singing. Not good as me. Question: billeh, which actress do you consider hotter, charlize theron, julia roberts, or sandra bullock? Answer: Well not Julia Roberts, because of that incident at one of her awards shows where she had the hairiest armpits I've ever seen. Plus she has the biggest lips. Not Sandra Bullock, because that one movie she was in, what was it called? I Take Speed? I think she takes drugs now. Will do research on her. So I guess the answer is Charlize Theron. -Billy (Will answer other question in the next entry, btw)

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This is the modern day Beatles. Us hobbits. I guess I'm a little underdressed. Elijah got too excited for this picture so he took his white rental suit and wore it. I'm wearing my hot Scottish pants. Because I'm very hot and very Scottish. Haha, very little known fact about this wonderful picture. Sean peed his pants! He was very nervous for some reason. (probably because of that birthday present I gave him muhaha) His poor wife is going to have to wash his suit that was made by Armani. I hope it shrinks. I really do.

(For peeps just coming to this site, there are older entries from another blog I have Older Billy Boyd Parody

Some people think I am obsessed with pee. Actually, more true is my obsession with my friends. I mean, have you noticed how much I've written about them? I have been going to secret meetings lately with my psychiatrist. She says nothing is wrong, but methinks she thinks all Scottish hotties are perfect. Well, I am perfect, so nevermind. I went to Disneyland and saw some employees wearing kilts. You know what methinks? Methinks they are also stalking me. I think I will add Disneyland employees to my list of stalkers. Okay so there's Dom...Elijah...Disneyland employees...people with fansites of me...Martha Stewart...who else? Question: If you could live in any century,which one would you choose? Answer: I would have to say the 80's because that was when Elijah was little. Then he wouldn't bother me as much. Then he wouldn't stalk me. Then he wouldn't laugh at me for putting tuna up my kilt. Also, the 80's had very awesome clothes. Who could go wrong with neon and checkers? That hair was wonderful too. I remember I actually had hair that I could style. I used to have a rockin mullet. -Billy

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Us hobbits bursting into a bar. We need to do this whenever we go to a bar because the security guards need some cheering up. They always are so depressed, because no action goes on, just throwing up and the occasional throwing of minivans through the window. No biggie. I think someone did some editing of Dom's mouth, it looks freakish. Too freakish. Like a black hole. Scary.

Saw a commercial that freaked me out today. A real one at that. A dog was dressed as the cheesy mouse of doom, and another dog was looking at him like he was some sort of freakshow act. The dog looking said, "Why are you dressed like that?" and the freakshow said, "If you can't beat him, join him." I was feart. Totally feart. I think this is targeting COCMOD. For those who don't know, COCMOD satnds for Conspiracy to Overthrow the Cheesy Mouse of Doom. A society to overthrow Chuck E. Cheese. What are we gonna do? Question: Do we need to form a society to overthrow Tony the Tiger too? Answer: Well, no, because there is no costume he is in, and I used to have a mancrush on him. No traumatizing story behind it, just true, odd love. But I now have the song stuck in my head. Hey Tony! I like the things you doooo...-Billy

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Me showing Dom Tony the Tiger. You see, Dom is very uneducated when it comes to cereal. He just eats the cereal and lets it go afterwards. He doesn't even look at the box! Usually on the box it says that there is some sort of toy in it. So he would probably swallow a choo-choo train and not notice. Plus, he is from Europe, so he doesn't know about this American hotness. I think I overwhelmed him, because afterwards he kept on having weird dreams about Tony. Strangeness.